El temor de toda mujer que ustedes, los hombres, no acaban de entender


Los hombres muchas veces se molestan porque las mujeres a veces estamos a la defensiva con la tiraera y los piropos. No entienden por qué a veces o muchas veces nos sentimos incómodas con la atención que nos brindan. Pues les voy a explicar.

Para empezar, desde que nos convertimos en señoritas (y no necesariamente cuando te viene la regla, sino cuando ya empiezas a soñar con los príncipes azules que te metieron por la cabeza) nos comenzaron a vender una propaganda de miedo que funciona bien duro y que gracias a Dios lo hacen, porque a muchas nos ha mantenido a salvo. ¿Cuál es la propaganda? Simple: Los hombres violan. ¿Ok? Violan; y en particular, tienen preferencia por las mujeres. Para colmo, esto te lo parean con el eterno temor de preñarte sin querer y que te tilden de puta.

Ya sabiendo esto, más o menos a eso de los 15 o 16 empieza la tiraera por la calle: Hombres extraños que te gritan “arroz” desde los carros, troqueros que te suenan la bocina en medio del expreso que casi te dan un infarto solo para saludarte y hacer un gesto de que te ves linda. Sabes que te están lookiando la falda que se te sube cuando estás sentada en el carro y ellos desde su punto elevado tienen una vista espectacular ¡Sea la madre! Ahora lo nuevo son los “friend requests” extraños.

Entonces, llegas a universidad y ves como los hombres se aprovechan de las que se emborrachan. Que les tratan de meter “rufys” en los palos para que se dejen llevar y ni se acuerden. Te encuentras que el roommate de tu pana te empezó a sobar las piernas mientras dormías. WTF ¿Qué es esto?

Desarrollas un PTSD que se extrapola a TODOS los hombres a menos que te demuestren que puedes confiar en ellos. A TODOS. Entiéndanlo. Y aunque triste, ¡qué bueno!

Yo me salvé de una gracias a esta paranoia y les hago el cuento pq recientemente unos taxistas se pusieron a perseguir a una mujer que andaba sola y en ningún momento pensaron en la cagazón que pudieron haber causado. Puñeta, carajo… ¡eso no se hace!

Hace varios años atrás, salía de mis clases de ballet, en Santurce. El parking de la escuela era un poquito lejos, caminando por una calle, no muy transitada. Este tramo SIEMPRE se caminaba en ALERTA (por los temores antes mencionados). Pues una noche, saliendo del ballet y empezando a entrar en la calle del pánico, un carro con 2 hombres me pasó por el lado. Bajaron la velocidad y me empezaron a mirar. Me cagué obvio, aproveché que había una van estacionada para meterme detrás y parar de caminar a ver si lo seguían de largo. Durante este microsegundo tuve la oportunidad de dar gracias de que el vestuario de ballet no es fácil de remover. El carro, viró a la izquierda y se detuvo justo en la esquina. Mano el tipo se bajó del carro y como que me estaba buscando y yo estaba empezando a virar para volver a la escuela y pedirle a alguien que me acompañara. En eso aparecieron dos compañeras en su carro y me ofrecieron pon al parking. ¡Gracias! Me monté más rápido que volando. El tipo que se había bajado del carro se volvió a montar en el carro y se fueron. No jodan. Yo me salvé de esa. Y por esto es que siempre estamos en fucking paranoia. Ok. Ya. Breguen con eso.

La próxima vez que una mujer no esté tan receptiva, considera esto.

 

Why Being Pro-Choice Means Being Pro-Life


Well today I read an article about abortion rights. It seems that it’s still a rather controversial issue and so I’ve decided to speak my mind about it. The argument against abortion is always about the lives of the children and the argument for it is about the lives of the mothers. But the truth is that the argument can never be one-sided. Children, pregnancy, and motherhood never happen alone. It is never one-sided. Ending a blossoming life will never be an easy choice or a pretty one. That’s not the argument. In fact, abortion can be in favor of the child too. Now I’m not condoning using abortion as a means for birth control. I’ve heard women say things like: “I’ll just have an abortion” and I think: “Sure, I’d like to see you when it’s time to make that decision.” Getting rid of the baby in your womb is never and easy decision. Imagine how desperate one has to feel to do that…

So I’m pro-choice. When I was 23 I got pregnant with my first son. No, it was not planned. The minute I saw the double line on the test thingy I had a choice: To abort or become a mother. We all have that choice and thank God! Obviously, I chose to have my son, but I cannot possibly imagine the kind of mom I would be if I had not had that choice. Having chosen to keep my son and raise him and love him made me a better mom. If I had been forced by lack of options I would probably be a bad mother. I can imagine I would feel resentment because I had no choice. I probably wouldn’t have a second son either, since it was the experience of love with my first child that led to desire for my second son.

Being a mother is not easy, and therefore it should not be imposed on anyone. Unwanted, unloved children are more likely to be abused, mistreated, and grow up to be unhappy people. Is that how we protect these children? Maybe the best way to protect a child is to ensure whomever has them, wants them. Did you ever think of that?

People argue about adoption. It’s funny. It’s harder to adopt a child than it is to have one. I admire all those women who chose to give their babies to somebody else because they knew their children would be better off, but how many of those actually find a decent home? Pro-life argues some women regret having abortions. Well, I can tell you, some women regret having their children, and you can bet the kids pay for it one way or another.  How many end up abandoned? So what are we doing? Why are we meddling in the very personal decisions of women? It’s nobody’s business but hers (and the father of course, but in the end it’s always the woman’s choice. It’s her body, her pregnancy, and her risks).

The worst part of the issue is that the people who are against abortion are also against sexual education, birth control and anything that will help a woman avoid an unwanted pregnancy that would result in an abortion. It makes no sense. The truth is abortion should be minimal; the last resort, but it needs to be an option. It needs to be available. There is nothing worse we could do to a child than condemn him or her to a life with a mother or father who doesn’t want them. Leave religion out of it for a moment and think in terms of society. It’s better for everyone when a woman has a choice.

Why Tests Make Absolutely No Sense


Photo from Freepik.com

Photo from Freepik.com

I have been thinking a lot about tests lately; mainly school tests. The more I think about it the more I realize tests make absolutely no sense. You see, we are constantly testing our children, yet adults never really get tested out on the real world. Sure some careers require a final test in order to get a practicing license, but in the end, when you’re doing your job, nobody is testing you.

When I say test, I mean the kind of test where you have a limited amount of time to answer a set of questions and you have zero help from reference books or other people. WTF. Seriously, that has never been the case on any job. On the contrary, when you have a job, deadline or whatever from your job, you have plenty of time to get it done and as many references you need. The point is that you do the job well, rather than have to go back and correct things.

That does not seem to be the case with testing. Testing almost seems like it wants you to get answers wrong. You have very little time to answer questions and you don’t get to check your notes to corroborate your answers. That’s not how it goes down in the real world. Isn’t school supposed to prepare kids for the REAL world? I remember some teachers would write trick questions purposefully meant to confuse you into getting the wrong answer. Come on! It can be a challenge for some students, but the purpose is to learn, not to trick.

This type of test forces children to memorize things that they basically dump on the day of the test and later forget. That’s not real learning. And to top it all off, if you don’t do well on these very unrealistic exams, your life gets labeled forever! Poor poor kids who don’t do well on tests!

Then, after testing them an average of 15 times in only 1 semester, schools go and give the kids a FINAL EXAM! Another test, made up of all the other tests they took during the semester. But the worst part is that 1 hour of your child’s life will be worth 25 – 30% of their final grade. Seriously?! 1 hour of the semester is worth 25% of the grade?! Shit! Shouldn’t that be calculated on the basis of the total hours of work during the semester. It’s crazy! Why? Why? Why?

And what the hell are we testing anyway? Science has proven that tests in no way can predict future success in life, happiness, health, creativity, or adaptability. So what are we trying to do here? Why are we torturing our children with all these tests? The tests are not making them learn more, so what’s the point?

What’s with all the shit about REAL women?


I’m sick and tired of seeing headlines that read something like: “How real women look”, “This is how a real woman works out,” “Real women have curves,” etc. Well… I get the feeling the people who write these articles have underlying complexes. Because what I see everywhere are real women. Some are skinny, some are fat, some are beautifully well-rounded, and none of them are fake.

You see… I’m skinny. Skinny like 4’10” and weigh a 100 pounds skinny. Does that make me unreal? Fake? Anorexic? Apparently, some people seem to think so. But I think I am absolutely real. I don’t iron out my hair, defying its own nature with heat and chemicals. I don’t cover up my face with paint for the sake of those who look at me or the sake of the mirror, the way many of these apparently REAL women do. I don’t take numbers off my 36 years of age, or subtract lovers from the final count. I am REAL and so are the rest of us.

These articles about what makes a woman real or not are all bullshit. We are all real. We all got our periods during puberty and learned sooner or later the power of hormones. We all suffered some sort of insecurity about our looks or assets and at some point wished ourselves different. Yes, I’m sure, even Heidi Klum has had her share of “I wish this was different” at some moment in her life. We are all real. There’s no need to compete with each other.

And yet… that competition between us is what keeps the make up companies rich, the push up bras pushing higher ever so, the skinny jeans getting skinnier, and our self-respect smaller. Watch it all dissolve into REAL when age settles in. Because there are no fake women. No. Not even the ones with fake tits, lips, tummies, and butts. They too are real, even if their physical appearance looks unreal.

So be REAL, woman. Be YOURSELF, and you’ll be the most beautiful woman in the world.

 

Even the Hater Haters Hate


Yes, the title shows I’m in a pissy mood today. Well not really today, just during the past 15 minutes. Why would I start hating at 5:30 pm? Simple. I logged on to Facebook and started reading. Mistake number 1, 2, and 3; although it was probably an even bigger mistake to login during the morning. Maybe it’s just monday.

Anyway, I run into news that reads as follows (paraphrasing, I don’t care for actual quotes right now): “Parents accused of abuse for 2nd degree burns on baby”, “PR economy at 20-year low”, “PR education among the worst in the world”. I read posts like: “So true for women over 30 OMG”, “Puerto Rico es una mierda” (had to write that one in Spanish, translates to “PR is shit”), and a whole array of internet “wisdom” contained within photoshopped pictures that everybody “likes”, but nobody actually practices.

I try to focus on the positive commenters. Those who claim to do good and not generalize, but as I read, I realize… they are hating just the same. Only their hating is in the opposite direction. It somehow camouflage the truth, but once you remove all the bull shit, you find another generalization like “so true for women over 30” or “the generalizing middle class is part of the problem”, “men are so _____________”, “women always _______________”… God it’s everywhere! Everything most people comment is a giant generalization that points an accusing finger at another general group. Frankly it’s making me sick! Stop. Stop it everybody (I included)! Somehow, I’m pretty sure… this is a generalization too. So forgive me. Just… let’s focus on the good stuff and individual amazing people.

Thank you! Have a good day!

Vh1’s Anti-bullying Campaign Epic Fail


Well I just saw this little campaign from VH1 and couldn’t help but rant about it. It is the worst anti-bullying campaign I’ve ever seen in my life and here are the reasons why.

  1. It presents bullying scenes in a mocking manner playing on the sick sense of humor humans have that precisely triggers bullying.
  2. It stimulates vengeance giving the victims of bullying the idea that somehow in the far off future they will be able to serve a very cold plate of vengeance. Come on!
  3. It attempts to stop bullying via more bullying, because the future bosses will bully the present bullies in their future jobs. Oh what great values those are!
  4. It justifies crappy bosses somehow.
  5. It gives more bullying ideas to the bullies.
  6. The reason not to bully is because it’s wrong. It’s wrong to think other people’s suffering is funny. It’s wrong to think you’re cool because you made someone else cry. That message is nowhere in this video.

It’s simply wrong and those creatives could’ve come up with 10 better, more effective campaigns than this. Shame on them! Shame on VH1 for approving it!

Here’s the link to the video https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=274739476041089&set=vb.182521798596191&type=2&theater

Sea la madre…


Sea la madre de las fucking reglas

Las leyes, las presunciones

Sea la madre de todo lo que se supone

Sea la madre de los representantes y los senadores

Que les pagan por soplarse el coño y vestirse de colores

Yo no se pa’ que escriben leyes

Si la mitad de las que están no las imponen

Además son to’s un chorro de morones

Que si te pones a leer,

los errores ortográficos van por montones

Sea la madre de los religiosos y los criticones

Y especialmente,

sea la madre de los abogados y los demandones

Que gracias a ellos vivimos entre cuadritos y prevenciones

¿Sabían que en las piscinas ya no puedes usar balsas?

Ni correr, ni brincar…

Ya mismo nos dicen que no podemos nadar

Como el anormal legislador que pretendía prohibirle a los surfers surfear

What the fuck?!?!

Ya yo no se ni qué pensar

Si es que están ahí pa’ ver como van a guisar

Dan ganas de gritar

Cagármeles en la madre

Y con mi pluma lastimar

Pero al final,

¿Qué logro yo con redactar?

© 2014 Maricel Jiménez Peña. Derechos reservados.

La primera parte de este poema fue redactado el 20 de junio de 2011. Los últimos 6 versos son del 2 de marzo de 2014. Algo de rabia y desahogo…

Ideas for Puerto Rico, Public debt, and its Future (translation)


This whole thing about Puerto Rico’s credit getting degraded is the talk of the week. I’m surprised, and frankly, pissed off at the few ideas both politicians and the media actually have. The keep talking about the “only solution”… Well, I have a few ideas, I think they’re good, and they can be implemented at both short and long-term. Politicians should stop talking crap and start using their brains. That is what they’re paid for anyway.

  1. Legalize marijuana completely. Stop joking around with this. It won’t kill you and it could be a gigantic source of new income that doesn’t come out of your pocket, but out of the already existing underground economy. Moneys spent in court and stupid pot head cases could be saved. Also we can grow hemp for ropes, cloth, oil, and medicine.
  2. Fundraising for Debts. Politicians are experts at conducting fundraisers for their political parties and make a huge buck. Let’s invest that time and energy towards fundraising money to pay the debt and help the people. Local artists can donate their talent and time. Concerts, auctions of local art, etc.
  3. Schools should administer themselves and be by district instead of administered by a central office. That money should go towards teachers, materials, and the schools.
  4. Freeze all government salaries immediately. Mayors can’t keep doubling their salaries and raising payments to their friends at the electric company. Seriously, the county isn’t doing good. Everybody has to give!
  5. Stop giving tax credit.  5a. Make it easy to do business in Puerto Rico. It should be the same for foreign companies as well as locals. Let it be easy and cheap to do business here at the bottom level (meaning less permits and license fees that are really high and slow down the process) so that there are more earnings at the net level. Net earnings are the logical things to tax anyway. Sure there will always be some evasion, whatever, if there are more businesses contributing, there is more. What we need is a lot of small businesses and some bigger all putting their share in the pot.
  6. Extended Home Room. From 10th grade on our students need to start learning and understanding about how the government works, global economy, legislation, bonds, credit, etc. These are things we should all understand. I suggest we use an extended period during Home Room to read and openly discuss 1 current news every morning.  They should be pertinent to local or international current events of importance, government issues, economy, social responsibility, etc.  This kind of dynamic will help enhance knowledge and critical thinking in the future voters of Puerto Rico. That’s something very important in order to avoid putting the same charlatans in power in the future.

That’s it for this round. I will continue to explore and share ideas. I would love to hear other ones. Got any?

Ideas pro Puerto Rico, deuda y Futuro


Esto de la degradación del crédito de Puerto Rico está caliente. Me sorprende y francamente me encojona las pocas ideas que tienen los medios y los políticos. Pues yo tengo muchas y son buenas y se pueden implementar a corto y largo plazo. Aquí van. Dejen de hablar mierda y pongan a usar su cerebro que por algo les pagan.

1. Legalización full de la marihuana. Dejen el chiste. No mata a nadie y puede ser una fuente gigante de recursos nuevos que no salen del bolsillo de uno sino de la economía subterránea. A eso liberamos dinero invertido en cortes y casos estúpidos contra mafuteros. Además se puede cultivar el hemp para sogas, ropa, aceite, y medicina.

2. Fundraising pro deuda. Los políticos se la pasan haciendo fundraising para los partidos y sacan un billetal. Pues inviertan en el fundraising para el pueblo y que los recaudos sean para pagar la deuda. El talento local puede donar tiempo y/o algún arte. Subastas de artesanías locales, conciertos de artistas, etc.

3. Las escuelas por distritos que se administran ellas mismas en lugar de ser administradas por oficina central. Ese dinero debe invertirse en los maestros, materiales y plantas físicas.

4. Congelar absolutamente TODOS los sueldos de gobierno. Ningún alcalde puede estar duplicando sus salarios ni dando aumentos a los panitas en la AEE. Mano, en serio, andamos mal. Todo el mundo tiene que ceder.

5. Déjense de estar dando crédito contributivo de casi todo a las corporaciones foráneas y demás.

5a. Faciliten el negociar en Puerto Rico. Para corporaciones locales por igual que las extranjeras, grandes o pequeñas. Que sea fácil y barato hacer negocios aquí, pero le cobran taxes a sus ganancias. Mientras más económico el negocio abajo (es decir, menos permisos y pagos y licencias que cuestan un montón y atrasan y encarecen el negocio) más ganancia genera. La ganancia es lo que sobra y es lo más apropiado para el tax. Sí, whatever, la evasión, pero si hay más negocios participando hay más recaudos y eso es lo que queremos: Que hayan MUCHOS negocios pequeños y otros grandes y todos estén aportando.

6. Salón Hogar Extendido. Nuestros jóvenes de 10mo en adelante necesitan entender de gobierno, economía global, legislación, bonos, créditos, etc. Son cosas que todos debemos entender. Sugiero que durante el salón hogar de las escuelas se escoja una noticia para leer y discutir todas las mañanas. Deben ser noticias pertinentes a lo que ocurre en el país y el mundo actualmente. Esto fomentaría el conocimiento y pensamiento crítico en los futuros electores de Puerto Rico. Algo sumamente importante para evitar seguir poniendo los mismos changos en la silla.

Bueno, eso es todo por esta tanda. Continuaré la exploración de ideas. Me encantaría escuchar otras buenas ideas. ¿Tienen?

Why are my nipples so offensive?


I don’t wear a bra, at least, not regularly. Yes, I do own a few sets of gravity defying, wired, stuffed contraptions, but I don’t really like them, unless they belong to a set of pretty lingerie I wear for the sake of private sexiness and not on a regular basis. On a day-to-day, frankly, I’d rather go bare.

The truth is I don’t really need a bra. I have what is locally known as a pair of “huevos fritos” (fried eggs), which means I’m flat chested. My sized “A” gravity defying contraption laughs in my face when I wear it, daring me to stuff it further, as apparently my own material is lacking. Somewhere Victoria is laughing…

Ha! I reach behind me and put my hands up the back of my shirt, unhook the bra, take one strap out one arm and then the other, tossing Victoria’s little secret on the floor. I don’t need you!

Some days I don’t care… others, the old men staring at my chest, the offended faces of receptionists, the crank “happy birthday” comment from a way too confident friend, or even my conspicuous cover up with a jacket in the office, irritates me. Why are my nipples so offensive?

I think it’s my nipples. People don’t seem to mind breasts at all and apparently are inclined to larger versions of them, so the issue has to be the happy pointy nipples, right? I don’t understand. Men have nipples. Nobody tells them to cover them up. In fact, if any nipple should be offensive, it is the male nipple, for it seems to have no purpose whatsoever. My nipples, on the other hand, shot out milk every two hours like clockwork when my kids were babies. They are there for a purpose, a very good purpose, so why should I hide them and stuff them inside some push up something?

Frankly, I don’t see any good reason. It’s just like men and ties. Why on earth would you wear a noose around your neck all day? My huevos fritos say “no thank you”. I’m free. Even the hippie, organic loving, home birthing mothers have subtly commented on the lack of bra. Yup, even they wear something in order to hide their pointy nipples. Isn’t this some sort of hypocrisy?

Whatever… happy nipples don’t wear bras.  That’s Victoria’s Secret. Good day to all!